A dramatic take on life :3

27.2.26

The event was ass. I don't want to talk about it much

I didn't see Z nor my friends who I hang out most with at school, they probably came earlier in the day as I came at like 2pm, and I left at 6:40pm. I didn't go to the party since I fucked my knee over and I was too stressed from the whole event to continue and look for where they were selling tickets

 

Anyways, about Leon

I done fucked up I carved the first letter of his name into my hip, but it's very small. I usually would post it on twitter, but he follows me on there (also I suffer from memory loss when I'm writing I don't know if I already told yall that his name isn't actually Leon and it starts with A.)

ADDITIONALLY, my dumbass finally figured out that Leon's ex left him for his bestfriend, who's name is Charlie. How do I know this? Because today, when I went on instagram I decided to find Leon's ex's account. And his bestfriend was always tagged in his bio, but I guess Charlie is Alexandre's bf now. Or gf? I don't fucking know, don't ask me. 

But Leon is so cute. I need him to be next to me and hug me all day until I get tired of it, though I never will. I wish he would've still gone to my school, so I could spend hours and hours staring at him during breaks. I want to fall asleep next to him in his room while he's minding his own business. I really like him... Wait, what's that noise I hear...??

 (old posts. F is Leon)

?? Oh yeah

ASIDE FROM THAT. All day, I imagine him cuddling me whenever I'm lying down, telling me how pretty, handsome, whatever I am when I look at myself in the mirror, I want him to straddle me so then—

Oh god I'm so fucked up. !!MIND YOU THIS IS THE SAME PERSON WHO WAS LIKE 'UH NO SORRY I AIN'T GONNA DATE YOU' BACK IN JUNE!! Ihatemyself. I wish I spent more time with him last year. I wish. I've only really had a crush on two people in my whole life, Z and Leon. Around end of 2024 I thought I liked E, but I ended up not actually liking her, and she's said some pretty transphobic stuff. 

I'm in love with him!! All of my favourite characters have blue hair like his, and they're all guys like him, they remind me of him. Which I really like because i LOVE him!! Last night I was up until 1:40 am because I'm sick so I keep coughing, but I was also imagining him next to me stroking my hair while I lay down. I take a pillow and hug it pretending it's him. He'll never find this blog, never in a million years.

I've pretty much stated on twitter that I'm in love with him, but he hasn't said anything :((( 

 (replying to another tweet I did to which he commented on) 

(when he requested to follow me two days after I made a lot of posts about him, back when my account was private.)

Writing about all the sweet scenarios I imagine us in as if I wasn't jacking off to the thought of him two hours ago. Kaito and Aoba too, I guess they're all similar. 

I literally felt like I was writing my own version of the Rin-Chan NOW! Lyrics. They're so similar to what I just said...

"I want to go huggie-huggie with Rin-chan. Trembling with excitement, I want to pin her down and squeeze her in my embrace.

Of course, it's not impossible for her to bite my arm. You can bite if you want, Rin-chan! I want to go shopping together with Rin-chan, and then, with a nonchalant expression, say to her, "This is a date, right?", just to make her extremely conscious of it. Rin'chan's ribbon is attached to an Alice band. In the morning, I want to switch it with a set of cat ears, just to see how long it'll take her to notice, but before I could notice, Rin-chan would have already gone out of the house, and when she'd finally have returned in the evening, she'd grip her cat-ear headband in her hand and glare my way with a red face, so that I could reflect on my wrongdoing." "I want to make Rin-chan the center of my pampering attention. While watching Rin-chan acting nervously and suspiciously because she's not used to having others' attention, I want to give her even more attention. I want to spoil her even more. I want to do whatever I can to prevent Rin-chan from searching "Kagamine Rin R-18" on Pixiv.

At the event place of the VOC@LOiD M@STER, I want to have Rin-chan cosplay as Luka. I want to subconsciously move the focus of my eyes to her out-of-place flat chest, causing her to say "I'm changing it back." and try to run away, so that I can frantically chase after her." "When I wake up in the morning, I want to find a suddenly more grown Rin-chan, and I will remain quiet at my lunch table because I'll be too busy thinking about how to approach her, and I want to feel apologetic somehow for making her use a pink bowl. After the meal, even if she says to me that she will do the dishes, I still want to be polite and respectful by replying "Ah, I shall do it!" "

"When Rin-chan comes back tired and sits right next to me on the sofa, I want her to lean on my shoulder and sleep, so that I'll feel warm. I want Rin to close her eyes and stick her lips my way, and then I, although feeling uneasy and unsure, would try to act cool and flick her forehead." "I want to run into Rin-chan in the street when she's wearing glasses, and I want her to say some excuses such as "I normally wear contacts, okay?!" Then, when I comment honestly on how nice her glasses actually look on her, I want her to hang her head and stay quiet out of embarrassment." "I want to get a text from Rin-chan that says "I've loved you for a long time." and feel startled. After I reply "You're funny lol", and get all worked up and excited from her next text that says "Oopsies, but you're about the only person I can send this kind of text to lol", I want to then get another text that says "Just kidding of course!", which will make me become jaded and unable to believe anything anymore."