A dramatic take on life :3

27.2.26

The event was ass. I don't want to talk about it much

I didn't see Z nor my friends who I hang out most with at school, they probably came earlier in the day as I came at like 2pm, and I left at 6:40pm. I didn't go to the party since I fucked my knee over and I was too stressed from the whole event to continue and look for where they were selling tickets

 

Anyways, about Leon

I done fucked up I carved the first letter of his name into my hip, but it's very small. I usually would post it on twitter, but he follows me on there (also I suffer from memory loss when I'm writing I don't know if I already told yall that his name isn't actually Leon and it starts with A.)

ADDITIONALLY, my dumbass finally figured out that Leon's ex left him for his bestfriend, who's name is Charlie. How do I know this? Because today, when I went on instagram I decided to find Leon's ex's account. And his bestfriend was always tagged in his bio, but I guess Charlie is Alexandre's bf now. Or gf? I don't fucking know, don't ask me. 

But Leon is so cute. I need him to be next to me and hug me all day until I get tired of it, though I never will. I wish he would've still gone to my school, so I could spend hours and hours staring at him during breaks. I want to fall asleep next to him in his room while he's minding his own business. I really like him... Wait, what's that noise I hear...??

 (old posts. F is Leon)

?? Oh yeah

ASIDE FROM THAT. All day, I imagine him cuddling me whenever I'm lying down, telling me how pretty, handsome, whatever I am when I look at myself in the mirror, I want him to straddle me so then—

Oh god I'm so fucked up. !!MIND YOU THIS IS THE SAME PERSON WHO WAS LIKE 'UH NO SORRY I AIN'T GONNA DATE YOU' BACK IN JUNE!! Ihatemyself. I wish I spent more time with him last year. I wish. I've only really had a crush on two people in my whole life, Z and Leon. Around end of 2024 I thought I liked E, but I ended up not actually liking her, and she's said some pretty transphobic stuff. 

I'm in love with him!! All of my favourite characters have blue hair like his, and they're all guys like him, they remind me of him. Which I really like because i LOVE him!! Last night I was up until 1:40 am because I'm sick so I keep coughing, but I was also imagining him next to me stroking my hair while I lay down. I take a pillow and hug it pretending it's him. He'll never find this blog, never in a million years.

I've pretty much stated on twitter that I'm in love with him, but he hasn't said anything :((( 

 (replying to another tweet I did to which he commented on) 

(when he requested to follow me two days after I made a lot of posts about him, back when my account was private.)

Writing about all the sweet scenarios I imagine us in as if I wasn't jacking off to the thought of him two hours ago. Kaito and Aoba too, I guess they're all similar. 

I literally felt like I was writing my own version of the Rin-Chan NOW! Lyrics. They're so similar to what I just said...

"I want to go huggie-huggie with Rin-chan. Trembling with excitement, I want to pin her down and squeeze her in my embrace.

Of course, it's not impossible for her to bite my arm. You can bite if you want, Rin-chan! I want to go shopping together with Rin-chan, and then, with a nonchalant expression, say to her, "This is a date, right?", just to make her extremely conscious of it. Rin'chan's ribbon is attached to an Alice band. In the morning, I want to switch it with a set of cat ears, just to see how long it'll take her to notice, but before I could notice, Rin-chan would have already gone out of the house, and when she'd finally have returned in the evening, she'd grip her cat-ear headband in her hand and glare my way with a red face, so that I could reflect on my wrongdoing." "I want to make Rin-chan the center of my pampering attention. While watching Rin-chan acting nervously and suspiciously because she's not used to having others' attention, I want to give her even more attention. I want to spoil her even more. I want to do whatever I can to prevent Rin-chan from searching "Kagamine Rin R-18" on Pixiv.

At the event place of the VOC@LOiD M@STER, I want to have Rin-chan cosplay as Luka. I want to subconsciously move the focus of my eyes to her out-of-place flat chest, causing her to say "I'm changing it back." and try to run away, so that I can frantically chase after her." "When I wake up in the morning, I want to find a suddenly more grown Rin-chan, and I will remain quiet at my lunch table because I'll be too busy thinking about how to approach her, and I want to feel apologetic somehow for making her use a pink bowl. After the meal, even if she says to me that she will do the dishes, I still want to be polite and respectful by replying "Ah, I shall do it!" "

"When Rin-chan comes back tired and sits right next to me on the sofa, I want her to lean on my shoulder and sleep, so that I'll feel warm. I want Rin to close her eyes and stick her lips my way, and then I, although feeling uneasy and unsure, would try to act cool and flick her forehead." "I want to run into Rin-chan in the street when she's wearing glasses, and I want her to say some excuses such as "I normally wear contacts, okay?!" Then, when I comment honestly on how nice her glasses actually look on her, I want her to hang her head and stay quiet out of embarrassment." "I want to get a text from Rin-chan that says "I've loved you for a long time." and feel startled. After I reply "You're funny lol", and get all worked up and excited from her next text that says "Oopsies, but you're about the only person I can send this kind of text to lol", I want to then get another text that says "Just kidding of course!", which will make me become jaded and unable to believe anything anymore."

 A dramatic take on life :3

27.2.26

Hihi oh my fucking god, it's almost already the end of the month?!?!?!11?!'?!?1'11'?

I just remembered that last time I saw Z, I was never able to tell her how I feel, and when I was at the peak of love for her, I then never saw her again. Which I feel really shitty of, because she was my first love. I still remember how she looked like when she was in fourth grade, but years and years have passed since that. We are both much older now...

Which could apply to Leon too. Last time we physically saw eachother was June 27th of last year. It's been exactly 8 months since that. I feel like shit. I also found out my psychiatrist knows about Leon, but I'll write about that later.

BUT about that comment about Z, FEAR NOT!!! BECAUSE GUESS WHAT?? 

Tomorrow, my school is hosting it's 10th year anniversary party. The whole school can attend, while it's obligatory for students in the secondary section (like me) to attend, do atleast one activity and stay for THREE hours!! And they're gonna monitor you. So basically, tomorrow over three thousand people are going to gather together at the school in the town near mine. Which means, Z is going to be there!! 

Because get this! My school has two campuses, and I go to the first but least mentioned one. The one where all the cool parties are hosted, events, and where 60% of students are is the other campus. And tomorrow the festival is going to happen there. There's also going to be a disco from 7pm to 11pm which I didn't get tickets when they were selling them Tuesday-Thrusday (I was absent Thrusday and today, I'm sick) but J told me you can buy them tomorrow as well. My whole class is going, and hundreds of other students aswell. I think it's going to be fun, but I can never hope too much for school-organised parties. 

Sooo... I guess I'll write after I'm done with how it went :3 

 A dramatic take on life :3

22.2.26

OKAAAY HI AGAIN!!!! It's 2026 now... holy shit... (I know I said this before) 

Back in like August I made something like 'EMERGENCY POST'... And I never provided further context for it. I feel like I should write about it now, finally. So much has happened since. 

So we all remember Leon? Yeah, we are friends again. Obviously, but you guys should've seen all that shit. Some time around August, like 3 days before my computer got K.O'ed, I was still up at 2 am and had the crashout of the century. I ended up writing like five paragraphs worth of apologies to Leon.

Actually, let me try to find those messages, but warning because I was being so unbeliveably cringe and while I'm thankful for being friends again, I think those msgs were very cringe. 

"I feel like shit writing this, lol. Not because of you, honestly.

But I sort of hope you blocked me, or this whole message would probably just ruin your day. Or night, idk when you're gonna be reading this. I know you didn't block me yet, but I feel like after this you will. And I'm probably making a fool of myself now. I'll probably regret this in the morning, since I'm half awake rn and not thinking well. Since I don't know what I'm writing this for and I don't want to ruin anything even more than it already has been. All these messages could be pointless...

Ur bf seems nice from what I've seen, you guys are good together. (yes ik I included the bf where it wasn't necessary :cry:)

There really is no need to open the message, you can just ignore this, like I did for the past two months until today to yours. Like the bitch I am. And no, I'm not saying this to make anyone feel sorry, it's just the truth. And not only because of this situation. 

Honestly, I haven't moved on at all. I think... I needed time to figure out how I was feeling. But I don't need to go into details why, how and other. However my actions were and are still stupid.

I also finally understood what people meant when they say that suicide hotlines are useless. I tried calling one on the 4th June, for you, when people were worrying about you commiting. They didn't help, they just gave me another number which I was left on hold for hours. I also tried getting REDACTED

To call but he never answered the message.

This can't really be categorized as an apology, although I really do feel the need to do so. Though I don't know how. Just saying sorry to show so? Not enough. Random actions? It's just kind of creepy, depending on which actions we're talking about. Especially considering the fact that we haven't interacted since June 27th. So I really don't know what to do. Saying sorry a lot? That's not gonna help."

I WANT TO KILL MYSELF why couldn't I apologise like a normal person saying like "hey I'm sorry for everything, blah blah blah can we be friends again?" AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!

We talked occasionally for a day after that. The next time we talked was the day after my birthday (16th of December). He wished me a late happy birthday, and, since a long time passed since last time we talked, I had more time to figure out how I felt and shit. I guess I was really giddy when I got that message from him. I was home with a fever... Which later developed into the chicken pox. So technically, I had three weeks of Christmas vacations. Apparently, my dad said it was very serious.

Like, I had a fever of 39degrees and it would not go down, no matter how much medicine I took.

ANYWAYS, back to Leon, him and his bf ended up breaking up a while ago. I already figured it out during the same week they broke up, but only yestreday did Leon give me a bit more context. I stalked his instagram a lot okay...And so I noticed stuff and cryptic posts, and pretty much figured out they were done. 

Leon posted on his story that he might go to Mikuexpo in the future, and I got so excited because I also might!!! Same city, too!! So I replied, we talked for a couple seconds. We spammed a couple stickers after, and moved on to whatsapp to spam there instead.

I sent a dumbass durr sticker and this GUY replies with a message saying his ex bf left him FOR HIS BESTFRIEND???? I was like, wtf...

THEN for some fucking reason we talk about how to cook crack. Very nice, #CrackAtHome I guess. I learned something from it, atleast? So then we sent a couple more stickers and eventually the convo died out. Until he randomly texts me like 20 minutes later saying he has to go to sleep and I said 'same lol,' but in my head I was like brah I don't give a fuck (I DOOOO) the conversation died 20 minutes ago.

 I finished writing this post on 23.2.26 but no one gaf bro okay but it was only like two paragraphs...

Being cringe and depressed idgaf

           A dramatic take on life :3

4.1.26

I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again I Want To Cut Myself Again 

Holy shit I MIGHT be fucked up

Updated intro #3

 A dramatic take on life :3

4.1.26

it's, once again, the time of the year where I do my intro!! Next month will be my second year posting here... Woah... I actually can't believe that 2024 was TWO years ago, 2023 THREE years ago and 2022 FOUR?? So my main Tikyok account will turn 4 this year, holy shit. 

Anyways, let's get on with the intro!! (Also yes I'm just copying and pasting my 2nd intro but changing some info becoz I'm lazy as FUCCKKKK)

My name is Viatore, but you can call me Vi!   

This is gonna be my 3rd introduction, two years after my 1st one!

 Im gonna write about my day whenever I have the motivation/remember to, usually during the first half of the year. sometimes about how I feel, or random shitposts

Here's a little ab me:

 ♡ I spend more time daydreaming about a dream life than living it ♡

 ♡ I go by He/Him/His, I'm trans, gay and I don't mind people using neopronouns for fun! ♡

♡ Im swiss, Italian and got the Luxembourgish nationality in 2024! ♡

♡ I can speak Italian, German, Luxembourgish, English, French and Swedish! I can also understand Spanish, Portoguese + some Dutch. I can read the cyrillic alphabet, the greek, hiragana, katakana and some kanji despite never actually wanting to learn the Slavic languages, Greek and Japanese. ♡

♡ My fav artists/bands/producers are Omar Rudberg, Babymetal, Plastic Tree, Iyowa, mothy, Shazna and Kairiki Bear! ♡

♡ I love writing stories, especially fanfiction. But I'm a pussy and actually afraid of the ao3 author's curse, so I dunno. I really love dancing, but I can't participate in courses rn since I'm really tired. ♡

♡ My fav games are Roblox, Project Sekai, Needy Streamer Overload, DRAMAtical Murder, Osu! Doki Doki Literature club, SpeakForYou, Project DIVA Megamix, and Class Of '09 games (not the flipside tho)  ♡

♡  My fav apps/websites are Tiktok, Discord, (illegal) anime sites and manga sites, Pinterest ♡

♡ I love Yamikawaii/Vkei/Jirai kei/Gyaru styles  (And i say 'sorry' way too many times) ♡

♡ And I dress Jirai myself, I find the style so cute!! And a menhera :sad: ♡

I also have other socials ofc: (these r the ones I remember)

My tiktok >.<

Soundcloud <3

SpaceHey -.-

Roblox xp 

Pinter3st

Twitter!!

 A dramatic take on life :3

11.9.25 

Hellooooo sorry for lack of updates recently :<<< I'm typing this on the family pc while my brother is behind me playing loud as fuk, because my laptop got a virus like 2 days after I made my last post and I only managed to get back into my account today loves. I don't really wanna talk about it since it was a really messy thing.  

Anyways I came on here to say NEVER open Twitter as your first social media when you wake up!! There could be any, and I mean ANY sort of news when you wake up. Like, Charlie Kirk just fucking died and I saw the WHOLE video uncensored because I didn't know what was going on and thought it would be at least blurred. But No 💕💕

To make everything, now my classmate ALSO sent me a screenshot of the vid while I was talking about it. Because yes, while I'm writing, I'm also texting on my phone a groupchat I made. It's called 'Virtual Fortress Of Solitude' and there's 4 members— me, my bestfriend, that guy who sent me the pic, Greek Swear Word (her nickname is a greek swear), and the newest member — Acne (her name sounds like that. Her and Greek Swear used to like eachother but I think Acne got bullied out of it and Greek Swear 'turned to Jesus'. But back to the group, I made it to yap about the drama in my life because there's so much. Wasn't my idea either — it was Greek Swear's. So yes, a groupchat dedicated to my life, how cute <3

I saw the video, and I was very shocked, and I thought the video was fake the first 2 secs because there was so much blood, I didn't think it was physically possible to release that much blood when shot. I hated every second of that I saw.

He's definitely dead now. In the neck, on the same side as his heart (most likely). Holy shit. 

And it's the fact that Twitter didn't even censor it for me. Like, I get asked to verify my age for a picture of a comment under a video of a guy shirtless (this acc happened) but I didn't get a warning for a graphic ass video of a famous guy literally getting shot and dying. Oh?? OH????

I feel bad for everyone there who shouldn't have seen all that shit. 

Talk about more positive stuff, yea? Only yesterday did I realise how good Malice Mizer's songs we're. Like holy shit, I've sat here writing this post while Ma chérie has been blasting in my ears. Heaven!! And I just found out Airbuds is also available on android, and my dumbass thought it was only for apple. What???

I'll maybe make another post about recently, but I doubt. Writer's block has been kicking me in the ass, especially when it comes to writing stories, instead of about my life. 

WE ARE SO BACK

 A dramatic take on life :3

16.8.25 

EMERGENCY POST WE ARE SO BACK ME AND HIM ARE FRIENDS AGAIN HELL YEA