Toucing grass but I can't

 

         A dramatic take on life :3

10.2.25 (posted on 15.2.25)

For once in my life i finally wanted to go touch grass but now I can't.

Fuck, that was phrased horribly, lemme try again.

So basically, I'm almost never allowed to go outside alone even if it's to the grocery store 1 minute walk from my house. And today is my 1st day on holiday, and I dunno why but I have this urge to go outside to like the mall or something, so I was wondering if any of my friends were availible to like hang out, since most people in the groupchat live close and basically everyone I know always goes there. I'm never surprised when I see someone I know. Like, last time I went there was last month, and I saw 5 of my classmates, 1 ex-classmate, 2 of my teachers and 6 people from other classes in my school. 

I asked if anyone was free in the school groupchats we have, containing about 40 members and guess what? Apparently, two people replied, saying they had work to do *today*, when they never have any, and others just viewed my message saying nothing. One girl asked me at what time we could meet up so I replied "like 14:30 or 3pm" and then she completely ghosted me afterwards. 

But now guess what? We have a groupchat where all the admins give updates and news about gc stuff and I just found out half of them are chilling at a small, empty football field in the city next to mine (about 5 minutes with a bus from here to there) and nobody told me. They went to get snacks and drinks, talked about random shit, played games together on their phones, normal teenager stuff... (Apart from drugs and alc0h0l). 

And I won't even be able to go anywhere I actually want to go to tomorrow because I need to attend my brother's fuckass doctor appointment that has nothing to do with me at like 11am. I asked if I could just stay home, but all I got was a stern no, although I don't understand because I don't really have anything to do with my brother. Also because I noticed that they tell my family about my brother, but they also 'discreetly' observe us attentively and monitor our movements, expressions and everything in their heads, which makes me uncomfortable, knowing my every move is being closely looked at

But anyways, yeah, I'm gonna have to deal with it sadly.